We gotta be strong!

I just watched a beautiful movie, The Fault In Our Stars. I was crying during that time. Briefly, it was about two cancer survivors fell in love to each other, and support each other until they died. This, somehow reminds me, about one year ago when the doctor diagnosed me of having tumor. That time, i felt so sad and on my way home i couldn't stop crying. It's still benign actually, doctor said it's okay, but who the hell wish to have this living thing inside their bodies? Me? I never wished for it. We never know where this thing will end. Stay there with that size? Or maybe growing? I'm praying it will not hurt me more. Seriously, it's just benign tumor. I'm gonna be okay. Well then, why did i talk about movie? It's clear that Hazel has cancer, and it was very terrible. I'm afraid that, there will be a chance to get through that. But then, will i ever have my own Augustus? I'm not afraid of any illness, i'm afraid that when i'm sick, there'll be no one who support me sincerely, love me for who i am. That's what makes me sad. And i think, no matter how bad your illness is, you know that your strength, deep within yourself can beat anything which beats you from the outside and inside. We shouldn't be afraid of tumor and cancer. They can make you weak, but they can't stop you to be who you are. Hazel could go to Amsterdam! As long as you can walk, and makes your body and soul strong from the inside, i believe this kind of illness will not do anything bad to you! Even when they did, you know we are going to a better place, we will always be there eventually. I tried to forget that i am now not alone, i have something inside of me, living in my breast and i don't know if it will be hurting more, or it will be there until i die. I'm just grateful that God give me chance to feel the worse feelings in the world, so that i can feel the better, and the best. We will survive, no matter how it takes.