Something Before Sleep

Almost midnight. Head is already full with a lot of things like... Cross-cultural psychology, journalistic psychology, and experimental in psychology. Plus, i need to finish lot of tasks which.... eung, you know... Who likes it? None? Ha-ha. I might 'like' it. Oh... Yes. Being fake is extremely easy. Well, in a time like this, sometimes there's a part in my brain which is recalling some moments in my life. Looking at lots of people around me. They are perfect, in many aspects. They can talk, spill what's on their mind, understand things well.. Very easy. I do feel jealous and uneasy about that. I mean.. Compare to me... I'm a Silver Queen while they are Godiva. Sometimes i feel useless as a person, what i know is.. I can't do things right. I can't speak my mind, and i can't be like them. Hey, i really wanted to be like them to be honest. Know what to say, know what to do, know their own selves. I tried to be, but in the process, i forgot that i wasn't being me. I tried to be someone else. I wasn't me. Then what's life if everyone's the same? If there's no one like me? What life will be? Now it's that war again, heart and brain can't stop fighting. But okay, can i rely on throat then? Since it's between brain and heart? Hahaha okay i'll stop the lame joke. I need to stop to think that everybody is better than me. Not that i am better than them, but it's all about how to be a better me. Despite the flaws and all, there's a good in me. I need to be me. To be proud of myself that's why i shall stop wanting to be like this or that. Allah created me for a reason, i may complete the world just the way i am. I don't have to be someone else, i guess. I just need a lot of times to be a better person, in many kind of aspects. I will never be perfect, and there will be a time that i want to be someone else again but now i just want to live my life happily. Like everyone else in the world, I was made for a reason.

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[Review] Kuliah Observasi 17092013

Hari ini 4 kelompok yang belum maju mempresentasikan hasil analisa jurnal mereka. Judul-judul jurnal tersebut adalah:

1. Penerapan Terapi Realitas Untuk Membantu Coping-Stress pada Wanita Pekerja Seksual dengan HIV Positif.

2. Subjective Well-Being Anak dari Orang Tua yang Bercerai.

3. Gender pada Iklan Televisi dengan Metode Semiotika.

4. Studi Kasus: Dampak Psikososial Enuresis pada Remaja Putri

Dari jurnal-jurnal diatas, kekurangan nya adalah data yang disajikan tidak begitu detail. Untuk itu kelas membahas tentang kekurangan dari jurnal-jurnal tersebut, dan diharapkan analisis jurnal selanjutnya dapat diperbaiki, seperti membahas teori dan juga kritik dari mahasiswa terhadap jurnal pada saat presentasi nanti.

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Dalam penelitian (psikologi), diharapkan peneliti melakukan beberapa hal-hal dibawah ini:

- Carilah terlebih dahulu fenomena (sosial atau individu) dan temukan masalahnya, yang dapat menentukan pengambilan data di lapangan. Fenomena sosial biasanya menggabungkan kuantitatif dan kualitatif. Kualitatif sebagai pendalaman dari penelitian tersebut.

- Bedah fenomena sebelum mencari teori.

- Hubungkan dengan teori psikologi (Psikoanalisa, Behavior, Humanistik)

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[Review] Analisis Jurnal: Seksualitas Remaja Autis Pada Masa Puber oleh Farida Tri Widyasti

Perkembangan seksual pada remaja menjadi perhatian bagi banyak orang namun pengkajian terhadap seksualitas pada remaja autis sangat terbatas. Dalam jurnal ini digambarkan bagaimana seksualitas remaja autis pada masa puber, yang hasil dari penelitian nya didapatkan dari kedua subjek berinisial AH dan VA. Remaja autistik sulit memahami keinginannya, begitu pula memahami dorongan seksual yang terjadi pada mereka. Remaja autistik yang tidak beruntung akan bingung menghadapi perubahan dalam tubuhnya maupun perasaannya. Sementara bagi remaja yang lebih paham dan berpendidikan, ada tambahan kesulitan beradaptasi dengan dunia sosial dimana teman seusia sudah lebih berkembang. Bagi orangtua, banyak kecemasan dan keprihatinan. Anak sudah makin tua, orangtua juga makin tua, sehingga tentu saja, makin lelah (Sicile-Kira, 2006). Berbagai tantangan dihadapi keluarga dengan remaja autistik (Hecimovic dan Gregory, dalam Zager, 2005) antara lain: tidak adanya dukungan dari lingkungan, stres dalam keluarga, masalah keuangan, masalah pendidikan lanjutan, masalah ketersediaan lapangan kerja dan masalah masa depan. Masyarakat menuntut remaja lebih mampu mengatur perilakunya, justru pada saat dimana remaja makin ’sulit diatur’. Bukan saja sulit diatur, kadang perilaku agresif atau ’menyakiti diri sendiri’ meningkat dengan tibanya masa pubertas (Sicile-Kira, 2006). 

Selain itu, dalam penelitian ini, peneliti menggunakan metode triangulasi yaitu wawancara, observasi dan dokumen. Peneliti melakukan wawancara kepada caregiver dari kedua remaja tersebut yaitu orang tua, guru, dan pengasuh. Lalu juga melakukan observasi terhadap mereka meskipun tidak dijabarkan bagaimana proses nya, tempat, dan waktu observasi tersebut dilakukan yang menjadi kekurangan dari jurnal ini. Selain itu peneliti juga melihat dokumen, arsip-arsip dari kedua subjek. Hasil nya, orang tua subjek memiliki persiapan, seperti persiapan mental. Pada subjek kedua, orang tua mengajarkan subjek untuk menggunakan pantyliners, sebelum beralih ke pembalut. Berdasarkan pada analisis informasi, kedua subjek juga memperlihatkan ketertarikan pada lawan jenis saat memasuki usia puber.

referensi:

jurnal http://eprints.undip.ac.id/10958/1/jurnal.pdf

http://edukasi.kompasiana.com/2012/04/04/anak-autistikku-sudah-remaja-447483.html

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Review Kuliah Psikodiagnostik Observasi

Kuliah Selasa tanggal 10 september 2013 lalu berawal dari membahas sedikit tentang pengertian, tujuan dan jenis-jenis observasi, dilanjutkan dengan presentasi dari tiga kelompok pertama mengenai analisis jurnal yang menggunakan metode observasi. Berikut adalah review materi perkuliahan (rangkuman) dan highlight dari presentasi analisis jurnal. 

Observasi: Metode pengumpulan data secara sistematis melalui pengamatan dan pencatatan terhadap objek yang diteliti. Dalam arti sempit, mengamati secara langsung objek yang diteliti baik dalam situasi alamiah maupun buatan. Sedangkan dalam arti luas, mengamati secara tak langsung dengan bantuan alat-alat yang telah disiapkan sebelumnya maupun yang disiapkan khusus untuk keperluan penelitian.

Tujuan Observasi: Mendeskripsikan setting yang dipelajari, aktivitas yang sedang berlangsung, orang-orang yang terlibat di dalam aktivitas tersebut, serta makna kejadian yang dilihat dari sudut pandang mereka yang terlibat dalam kejadian tersebut.

Yang diobservasi: Tujuan yang menjadi target penelitian, ekspresi, respon, perilaku baik secara verbal atau non verbal ketika stimulus muncul. Aspek khusus dari perilaku individu maupun kelompok serta situasi atau proses. Waktu, tempat, gaya bahasa dan penampakan eksterior (seperti cara berjalan).

Jenis-jenis observasi antara lain adalah Observasi Sistematik, Observasi Eksperimental, Observasi Partisipan, Obstrusive dan Unobstrusive, dan Observasi formal dan informal. 

Jurnal-jurnal yang dibahas dari ketiga kelompok tersebut adalah:

1. Seksualitas Remaja Autis Pada Masa Puber

Jurnal ini membahas tentang bagaimana peneliti bertujuan untuk menggambarkan seksualitas pada remaja autis, peneliti tidak memberikan informasi yang cukup detail di dalam jurnal tersebut. 

2. Mangupa Pada Pasangan Pernikahan Pemula dalam Masyarakat Perantau Tapanuli Selatan

Jurnal ini mengangkat tema-tema psikologis yang ada pada tradisi mangupa. 

3. Presentasi Diri dan Desepsi dalam Komunikasi Media Computer Pada Pengguna Internet Relay Chat

Jurnal ini berupaya untuk mengkaji komunikasi antar pengguna komputer disaat mereka tidak berinteraksi secara langsung namun hanya dalam menggunakan kata-kata dalam bentuk chat.

Referensi:

http://www.slideshare.net/wicaksana/psikodiagnostik-observasi-14333762

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3rd of April, 2013

I can feel my heart get aching every time i breath. There's a lot of voices in my head, shouting about how stupid i am. I can't even contain my tears anymore. I don't know what's wrong with me. Lately, i'm not myself. I grow tired every day and everything now seems so dark. My eyes hurt so bad, but for now, i think physical pain is better to feel than what i feel inside. It's somehow hurting me, scratching my skin, pulling my hair, but all of those things are invisible. I can't really see that but i know it's there, hurting me. I punched myself, i bit my skin and those things didn't even hurt me. Not even a bit. I feel more pain inside. I tried to smile and think about good things in mind, but fuck the world i can't even feel that. That's somehow i prefer to sleep at home. Cut off the connections. If only i know what's wrong with me. I really don't know what to do, everything i do is all wrong. Sometimes, i think that i'm better to be disappeared. And people forget me sounds so much better. I really want to feel good. I really want to be happy like everyone feels. I'm tired of crying. I think about accidents, and lot of things. I think about those stressful things and somewhat i hope it's real. Or if can... I want to have another life. People doesn't have to fake their smile in front of me anymore, they can live their life just what they want, and i can live my life the way i want. I had a lot of nightmares lately, and those are really frustrating. Am i depressed? But why? Why am i depressed? If only i know the answer. I know that there are a lot of people more suffered than I, but i also know that not everyone could run the way i do. I'm on the edge of accepting my life the way it is, or just cut it off. I also think that i'll go to hell in the end. Why am i so useless. I know i'm not more than an emotional bitch, and i'm not going to ask people to not judge me for that but screw everything, i don't feel good right now. I don't even know why am i in this place today, and act so sad about everything. But for real i don't act. I just don't know what to do. I can't hide my feeling. I tried to find some help but there won't be any. Because i'm always by myself. No one truly need me, it's all just lie. I'm useless in every bit of my life. People will come to me when they need help only. And that's it. That's my life. And i'm fucking hate it. Close your damn eyes cause i know there won't be a hand and i'm just a freak. I just want to punch myself right on my face. This some kind of goodness should just disappeared in my life. I'm not that good, and i won't be good forever.

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Chocolate?

Chocolate is sweet. Everyone likes it. It's a friend when you have no one to talk to. A friend to cheer you up. A friend to cry with. You like it so much. You don't even think about the effect after eating it. Maybe you will get fat? Or toothache? But you don't care. And maybe, just some of you who remember where it comes from. What's chocolate.. What's inside it? Have you ever heard cocoa? Or, dark chocolate? I bet you all know about it. Chocolate is actually a modification (to me) from a very bitter fruit to be a very sweet and delicious thing in the world, made by people. And why do i suddenly talk about chocolate? No... I'm not craving about chocolate, i just ate it. The best chocolate in the world, maybe? Don't remember the name and too lazy to see it. Taste so good.. Like.. They added Milo in it but not that strong. Okay.

I just think, chocolate is really like someone i know. Very sweet. I can depend my life on him. But.... I don;t remember, where he came from. Where i met him. When i fell in love with him. And what is INSIDE him. Oh, so bitter you know. From the stories i've written below describe how desperate i am, but not without a reason. I just realized that this person is the same as chocolate. Very sweet, inside out. But i didn't realize the way i met him was totally wrong. I didn't realize who he truly is. If there was an award for sugar-coated man in the world, he will win. I got 24 hours a day and every second all i imagine, hope, and think is "he as chocolate" i only see the sweet things. That's why, it's hard for me to move on. But then i think about what he did to me, and found out who he is, behind the screen..... XD well, i guess he's only a dark chocolate? Even though he got that "chocolate" label on him, but still he's "dark". Deep inside him, he has nothing but confusion.

I don't know if i'm totally moving on. But i just don't seem to care about everything. I wanted to start a new life. Yeah, mainstream but... That's all i want to do. If he can be a chocolate, why can't i be the flame? Or sugar? Not everyone will love chocolate if it isn't sweet. And i can easily melt him (as a flame) and leave him there helpless. *laughs* It's almost 2 a.m so... that's what is in my brain.

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The Last Day of '12

Hi lucky people who read this post! Right right! You're lucky cause you have been through this whole year and spend your time browsing in internet! n_n What did you got in 2012? A lot of things? None? Okay. Let me share my achievements and all failures in 2012 (as i remember). I set some goals to be achieved in 2012, but i only remember few things that I've got, and lot of things remain hanging on my wonder world. I worked really hard to change to be a better person than before. It needs a lot of fights and tears lol being dramatic again. You know? One of my biggest goal that I achieved in 2012 was meeting my idols. I couldn't believe it! From hundreds, well thousands fans, my name was in the list of people who could hi-5 them. It was a lucky draw, so you can imagine how lucky i was. There was no distance between us, it was an impossible thing for me, but i tried so hard, planned what i wanted to do, and also prayed hard to God. It had always been my dream, to meet them. Everyone, even my closest person said that i should stop dreaming about it. It won't be happened in my life. I was thinking, "I guess they are right, I should stop, I don't have to go to the concert, i don't have to save my money for concert and things." But, how if i stop? How if I stop believing, trying, and dreaming? I would never been able to achieved my goal. I would never been able to touched my idols, to talked with them and let them listened, to told them how much i love them. It was hard because Korean idols are rarely come to Indonesia, and if they come, the possibilities to meet/talk/touch them is 1:10000000. See? I need to be that crazy to achieve what i want. And i have to believe in it, i need to created a deep and big faith in my heart that i can do that, i can make it real! And with a help from God, everything was so easy for me. My dream came true, and even in the concert, one of them threw a souvenir and i could catch it, it was possible among the impossibilities if you know what i mean. That was the biggest thing in 2012 for me, a week after my birthday, can you imagine how blessed i was? And you guys, never give up! Someone like me, who totally not a religious person, or implicitly kind, still can get what i want. But you have to work hard on it. And pray! Because no matter how hard you work but you don't pray, you won't have it or vice versa. And what about my failures? lol. The biggest failure in 2012 for me was...... having no lover hahaha. Yeah, i set my goal to find someone who could love me, and i love the person back. Well i met someone but.. It's all ended and i seemed to be trapped here in the past so.... okay. Hahaha. But well, as i learnt from my achievement, i should've just worked on it harder, pray harder for.....a lover XD cause, i don't really care about it actually, i believe that, out there, God has prepared someone for me. And i'm still trying to move on. Well, I'm just hoping that in 2013 my biggest failure will be my biggest achievement, and i can achieve more goals and be a better person. Keep dreaming and run for it! I believe that is no such thing as impossible! <3 p="p">

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